Why the Mail Line Drug Bust Story Would Make an Excellent B-Picture

Will Amari

Staff Writer 

Yes, it happened again. Stupid kids getting arrested for doing stupid things. Former Haverford students, Timothy Brooks and Neil Scott, were incarcerated for running a drug ring on the affluent Main Line in Philadelphia. Apparently the nationwide drug operation, which began in California, has reached students from several other wealthy high schools and colleges.

While every local news reporter rants on about how surprised they are to find out about these delinquents behind bars, I’m resting at home, sipping my coffee, and thinking about how this story carries all the accessories needed for a B-picture.

Its got everything Hollywood wants: young men with great ambition, a rise and fall of an empire, disappointed parents (who are probably reconsidering the whole spending 35,000 dollars on my child’s education is a good idea thing) and of course, drugs, drugs, and lots of drugs! Who doesn’t love a good cocaine flick?

Timothy Brooks is a handsome eighteen year old, who would make a great astronaut-quarterback. He has short brown hair, skyblue eyes, and a one of a kind chiseled chin. If I were a Hollywood producer, the role to play Mr. Brooks would go to Channing Tatum. This would be a good way to track audiences of a younger generation.

However, the person to play Neil Scott would be harder to cast. He’s an older gentleman who, judging by his dark brown eyes and his plain facial hair, would seem like the common everyman. Therefore I give the role to play Neil Scott to none other than Hollywood Superstar, Jake Gyllenhaal.

Mr. Gyllenhaal would work out fine as the straight man in the movie, and it’ll be a dream to see Channing Tatum play the struggling yet ambitious Timothy Brooks.

I think the film would do well (or at least better than Anchorman 2) if lead by a talented director, capable of capturing the deep minds of two unfortunately stupid felons, caught selling drugs, and running a profitable business by the use of text message.

Don’t miss the opportunity to see my next movie on the violence and protesting in the Ukraine. I call it, “The Cold War Part 2: Russia’s Revenge!”