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Column: My Problems with SLA’s Graduation

February 26, 2015 by lpahomov Leave a Comment

Leah Kelly

Staff Writer

As a senior in high school, one of the most exciting days that I’m looking forward to is Graduation Day. I’ve been to numerous graduations and seen the beaming faces of students, the tears of the parents and grandparents, and the caps thrown in the air. I have felt the excitement in the auditorium and cannot wait to experience that day in honor of the Class of 2015.

However, thus far I have been less than pleased with the way that SLA is handling graduation. It is almost March and as far as the senior class knows, we still do not have a final date set. There have been many days rumored such as June 12th, June 15th, and June 18th, but not a single student has a clear and definite answer. While some people think that this isn’t too big of a deal, for those who have relatives who are flying in from out of town, we need to have a final date set as soon as possible.

Not only does no one know what day we’ll be graduating, there is also confusion with how many tickets students receive, which leads to my next point. First of all, not everyone who I bring to graduate will even be able to sit in the main room and watch me walk across the stage. Students are to receive some tickets to the main room and some tickets to the “overflow” room, where guests have to watch the ceremony on the live stream.

I already do not like the fact that only a select number of guests can watch the ceremony in person, but the fact that the number of tickets we get for main room and overflow room has not been confirmed is extremely frustrating. I’ve heard lots of different things from students who all claim to have gotten information from a credible source: we get two tickets in the main room and one in the overflow, or that we get three tickets in the main room and one in the overflow room, or that we get two tickets in the main room and two in the overflow but can request for more, etc.

There are four people that I want to bring to graduation: my parents and my two brothers. The fact that I might not be able to bring them all to graduation let alone have them in the main room is extremely disappointing to me. Since the Franklin Institute is clearly not large enough to hold the amount of guests that students wish they could bring, I wish that SLA was able to hold graduation elsewhere.

Overall, I’m extremely excited for the day that I get to graduate but first of all, I would love to know when that day is and secondly, I want my whole family to be able to see me walk across the stage.

Column: Promposals, I Love You, But You’re Getting Me Down

February 23, 2015 by lpahomov Leave a Comment

Image courtesy of Flickr. (No, these are not SLA students.)

Larissa Pahomov

Guest Writer

You might think that teachers don’t pay attention when promposals happen, but we do. In the last four years or so I’ve seen my fair share of them. The best ones – and there have been lots – basically flood the school with unicorns and rainbows via the ingenious, loving creativity of the juniors and seniors. I’ve seen crazy decorated cakes, festooned locker doors, and even original songs performed on a ukulele.

It also warms my heart that promposals (at least at SLA) are pleasantly gender neutral. Girls can ask boys, no sweat, and there are plenty of same-sex asks to go around as well, both platonic and romantic. If you believe that our daily lives deserve a little magic, and you’re also a fan of musicals, then witnessing a promposal can really make your day. The first student who manages to embed their proposal into a choreographed dance number deserves a crown, or at least a shout-out over the PA system.

What makes this phenomenon even more fascinating is that Promposals were not a thing when I was in high school, or even at SLA when I first started working here seven years ago. (According to a short history of the new tradition published by the Washington Post, the promposal officially got its start in 2001, but didn’t really go national until at least 2007 – the same year that Facebook changed their terms of service so that teens could officially register for accounts.)

As a result, it’s become one of those anecdotes that I share with people my age when they ask me how school’s going.

Adult reactions are varied. “They do what?” “That’s so cute!” “That seems complicated.” “Have you ever seen somebody say no?” “Wow, that’s like a practice marriage proposal!”

That last comment makes me cringe, because I’m married myself, but the last thing I would have wanted was my now-husband to propose to me. We just agreed to get married, no getting down on one knee or engagement ring involved. And now that I think about it, a promposal in high school would have freaked me out as well.

The student response to that statement immediately pops up in my head: Nobody is asking you to prom, Ms. Pahomov!

You got me there. But… I’m your English teacher, so I’m going to say my piece anyway: you don’t need big, choreographed, public gestures of love and devotion to have an awesome life with someone you love. Women don’t need to wait for their men to propose to them, and men do not need to save up a ton of cash for a ring before they ask. (In my experience, same-sex couples are not quite as prone to this kind of anxiety – they are less likely to buy into the heterosexual traditions that have rejected them for so long.)

Of course, you can do these things if you want to! But the joy of a modern, pluralistic society is that we have the right to cast off the social expectations that don’t suit us. Unfortunately, the need to do things “the right way” can get in the way of that freedom. I know grown men who have agonized about when and where they are going to “pop the question,” even though they know their partner is already committed to them. Just like I have seen the embarrassment and even annoyance on the faces of girls who have been ambushed by a promposal—and I’m talking about people who said yes, here. It’s clear they just would have rather skipped it, much less had a dozen friends recording the moment with their smart phones. (And if you are one of those students who has captured an awkward promposal, I hope you did the couple a favor and didn’t post it.)

So, the promposal faces a bit of a crisis. The more popular it becomes, the more people will feel required to participate, with each obligatory version stripping away a bit of the original magic, and turning it into just another boring old tradition that somebody needs to break out of.

But let me know if there’s going to be a choreographed dance promposal. I want to see that one. Just schedule it for before or after school, please.

Jupiter Ascending: aka “The Lannister’s in Space with Mommy Issues” review

February 20, 2015 by lpahomov Leave a Comment

Sean Morris

Staff Writer

To be clear: I wanted to like this film. It had so, so much potential and incredible visuals, but even that couldn’t save this terrible, terrible film. Fair warning, there will be a few spoilers below to elaborate how bad it was, but please do read on.

The film centers around a young girl named Jupiter Jones (mila Kunis), a humble janitor who learns that she is an exact genetic copy of the dead monarch/ mother of the universe’s most powerful dynasty- the Abrasaxes, three siblings who each want a claim on the planet that she legally holds claim over- the earth- which can be ‘harvested’ for an enormous profit for either of the parties. To “harvest” means to kill an entire population of a planet to create youth serum so that those with enough money might live forever. She is rescued by ex-military alien called canine (channing tatum) who is working for the sibling Titius Abraxas (Douglas Booth). Despite seeming to mean well, he is planning to kill her, to claim her inheritance. Soon it becomes a battle to the Earth from abraxas when the main villain Balem (portrayed by Eddie Redmayne) kidnaps Jupiter’s family and holds them hostage on his factory in the planet Jupiter. Jupiter refuses to sign over the Earth to Balaam, who falls and is presumed dead in an ensuing battle that destroys his factory. Jupiter wipes her families mind of the experience and continues work as a janitor while trying to figure out what her next step should be, and has started a relationship with Canine. If this sounds confusing, it is. The film really needed one of those “long ago” 3 minute monologues and montage at the beginning of the film which would have saved everyone in the audience a ton of confusion. While I applaud originality in film- and this film does have a lot of that- if you can’t get a new and broad universe in an easy way then you’re during them a giant disservice.

Anyhoo, let’s get back to the Abrasaxes. As the title suggests- are the Lannisters in SPACE, complete with pretty long haired guy who wants to screw his own family members, a scheming sister and a whiny psychotic man-child. Yes you heard the former correctly the pretty boy (Titus) wanted to marry a woman that was his mother reincarnated, while he revolved ulterior motives behind this later, it left the audience with a chunk of unforgettable time in which you believed he wanted to, essentially, screw his mother. The Abrasaxes have a lot of mommy issues in this film, in fact Mila Kunis’s “victory” line to Eddie Redmayne is, literally “I’m not your damn mother.” As you can tell this film has a lot of writing issues.

Who Mila Kunis does end up screwing in the end is a dog/ angel hybride.

I am not kidding.. And to make matters worse- the hybrid is played by Channing Tatum. And to be honest, there was about as much chemistry between them as those Pandas that refuse to mate in the zoo. So Mila Kunis options in this film are to either screw her son or a dog. Somehow I’m thinking ted 2 is looking pretty damn good to her right about now.

Now about some other parts; as previously mentioned, at one point eddie redmayne (more on him later) kidnaps Jupiter’s family and threatens to kill them if she doesn’t sign over the earth to him, which is all well and good and villainous except we don’t give a shit about these people at all; they’re terrible. Theres like 10 of them, maybe 4 of which get any lines, which includes a sexist greedy uncle, a slimeball cousin who wanted her to sell her f#%$ing utero eggs for 2/3rds of the profit, all of which he spends (wrongly assuming she went through with it) on a new TV and plays video games in his underpants.

HE WANTED TO SELL HER F#$%ING EGGS

I am even not kidding. I wish to the heavens above the mountains below I was but this movie has decided to test my very fortitude in what I can stand and dear lord it reached its breaking points a long time ago. I mean seriously? There’s no alternative? HOW DESPERATE CAN YOU BE?

And oh Eddie Redmayne *long sighful moan*, while he seems like a pretty good actor and seemed really good in the Theory of Everything (I haven’t seen it myself to confirm), Oscar worthy this was not, nor was it Raspberry award worthy- either. He lacked the villainous ooze that even the campiest of the camp can do. He was always either whispering or shouting, no inbetween at all. He could have been so good, but just wasn’t meant to be.

I once heard that the movie Prometheus was the most beautiful film you ever wanted to punch in the face. If that’s true, then this is the most beautiful film you ever wanted to slit its throat out, let the neck blood freeze into blood-icicles, stab the body with the blood-circles, tie the body to an anchor and sent it down the artic sea and allow the ice to freeze on top of the patch of water. Where it will never be found until the Earth is incinerated; taking this film back to the depths of Hell whence it came and where it belongs.

So I wouldn’t waste your time and money with buying a ticket to the movies, if you want to see it, i suggest waiting till it’s on tv or dvd, because as cool as the visuals are, its probably not enough for everyone. I personally liked seeing it in theaters because I got to enjoy the visuals and made fun of it with my Dad, but if you can’t have someone there to laugh it off with, it won’t be your cup of tea.

Well at least we’ll always have a cardboard cutout of mila kunis for when she married her son for $30: http://www.ebay.com/itm/JUPITER-ASCENDING-JONES-MILA-KUNIS-LIFESIZE-CARDBOARD-STANDUP-STANDEE-CUTOUT-/271676381428

Go on, click on the link, I am not even kidding.

All this being said, I’ll still probably get it on DVD, likely in the $5 movie pile at Walmart.

“aa” App Review

February 19, 2015 by lpahomov Leave a Comment

Darius Purnell

Staff Writer

Who likes to play connect the dots? Well this isn’t your typitcal connect the dots. Recently I came across an interesting game called “aa”.

“aa” is simple yet complicated game. You start off with a big circle in the middle of the screen with the level number on it. Below that big circle is a single line of tiny circles with numbers in them in order of a count down. When you touch or flick the screen, a dot shoots at the big circle and connects to it with a line. The big circle begins to spin like a wheel at a moderate speed, with the connected dot orbiting it like a moon on a string. You continue shooting the dots in order to connect them to the big one until you reach 0. When you get all the dots connecting to the circle, the screen turns green and you unlocked the next level. If the orbiting dots touch each other, though, then it’s instant game over/ The screen turns red and you have to restart with all the dots. As you continue on the levels have different number of dots that you have to shoot in. Some levels have dots already connected. There are some levels where the speed switches making it more difficult.

What I mainly like about the game is that like I said, its simple but complicated. The game aa can become a rage game where it makes you frustrated but not enough that makes you give up, instead it motivates you more. This makes the game addicting.

The game is on android and iPhone. On the android you can change the color scheme unlike on the iphone. Generally however, the game isn’t flashy where it’s extra colorful and lights flicker, so it is an easy on the eyes kind of game.

Editorial: Net Neutrality

February 19, 2015 by lpahomov Leave a Comment

Chiara Nemati

Staff Writer

Net neutrality. Sounds boring, doesn’t it? You may be wondering what this is, or why it should matter to you. We are here to tell you the importance of keeping this system in place and what it does.

Net neutrality is a “principle” that allows open and free internet access. Service providers are not able to ban a website or slow down the speed just because of their views or profit.

The number one rule of net neutrality is that all data must be treated equally. Without net neutrality Facebook and Google would have never been built and have become so prominent in society.

How would you find the information you need for a project without the help of sites like Google, Yahoo, or Ask?

What a world without net neutrality looks like:

Picture a highway with two lanes. One lane is an express lane, with less cars. This lane allows them to reach their destination, faster. However, to go into the express lane you must pay extra. Naturally the regular, no extra fee lane will be full of traffic because it is the cheaper choice.

Netflix, Facebook, Google, and Twitter would load very quickly. However small-business sites and blogs would load very slowly, if at all. We cannot give our Internet Service Providers (ISPs) this power.

Comedian John Oliver talked about net neutrality on his show, “Last Week Tonight.” Oliver believes that net neutrality is a very boring issue but has a lot of power. He urged people to go and comment on how they should keep net neutrality in place.

What this looks like for companies:

Some critics believe that this will stop companies from keeping up with the ever growing industry of technology. As well as limit possibilities. The FCC has been talking about this issue for a decade, the main topic of discussion is how to maintain a stable internet safe zone while still letting it be open. They have concluded that the way to reach this goal is to set some ground rules.

Without net neutrality internet providers such as Comcast and Verizon would be able to block certain content and gain more income because they are not paying for the site to run. Well, without this principle the more money you pay the faster your internet will be. Imagine having to pay a toll just to get access to a page, including your favorite websites on the interweb.

Net neutrality is a big monopoly. Meaning there is no competition, one single ISP would own nearly all of the market. They would sell internet packages to you at incredibly high prices and get away with it because there is no competitor and they have the best products to offer.

What this looks like for an SLA student:

You have a paper that is due at midnight and it is currently nine o’clock. You have only written your name on the piece. The essay requires you to use at least 5 sources. The requirement is 2 pages. With only three hours to go you open up your computer. All of the sources you have tried to look at are still loading. Only one has loaded and of course it is wikipedia. You now have two hours to go with only half a page written. This is what will happen without net neutrality.

Many of the sites that are on the internet are banned from the school district, so us as students already understand the feeling of not being able to view a certain site. Now this same technique is used by your ISP. So much more of the internet will be off limits, creating a more difficult path to gain knowledge.

We support net neutrality. And want to keep it in place. This “principle” is so incredibly important to not just us, but to everyone in the every growing world. February 26 the FCC will come to a decision.

We cannot allow the big corporations to make this decision for us. We need to make them hear our voices. Our opinions matter too.

To show your support for net neutrality, go to: http://www.savetheinternet.com/what-can-i-do